Friends or Not Friends..........

My blog tonite shall be about a friendship, or as it turns out, an aquaintance-ship. First, a little background so that I remember why I came to writing this. My annual Summer Kick-Off Trivia (trivial?) BBQ was planned for last Saturday. I had been planning it for weeks, per usual, invitations were sent and about 15 friends has decided to join me. I 'pop' for all the food and then, after that, it BYOB. Its always a fun day. I go way out of my way preparing food, trivia game with a PRIZE EXTRAVAGANZA, making my yard perfect, etc. Well, things started falling apart on Thursday. When I called Larisa on Thursday, she was crying hysterically and told me she would have to call me back. About an hour later I found out that she and her boyfriend, Noah, had gone over to his brother's apartment and found him dead. Apparently, he suffered from Epilepsy and had seizured out. It was so extremely sad. He was only 24 years old, and he and Noah were very close. To make matters worse, he had been gone for quite some time (days) when they discovered his body. At any rate, they would not be coming to the BBQ, of course completely understandable. Larisa's brother Steve and his girlfriend, both from Tahoe, were not going to make it either. Because Patti had already cancelled (she had been sick and off work all week) and my neighbor was also sick, I decided to, at the very least, postpone the festivities til a later date. After all, there were only 6 people left so I began the cancellation by calling Staci. Upon hearing that I was cancelling, she implored me to not do that. Her (loser) boyfriend from Chico, Michael, had said he would come to Sacramento to attend. So, naturally, I said that we would have to do it then! I explained that it was going to be a very small BBQ, not exactly what I would call a party but that I would do my best to show everyone a good time. She also promised me during that phone call that if her boyfriend ended up cancelling in the end (a mere hunch on my part), that she would "absolutely" be there, no matter what. So, after not sleeping well Thursday night, I took Friday off and cleaned house, and deck and cooked and prepared. I called Katie and Larry and Carrie (coming with HER boyfriend) just to make sure they would all be there, too. I even talked to Staci one more time around 5:30 pm and she assured me all was a go. (Actually I prepared the food AFTER that 5:30 Staci call.) To make a long story even longer, Staci called me at 9:30 Friday night and began the conversation by telling me "Please don't hate me." And I knew. Of course, her stupid do-nothing boyfriend who puts out no effort in her relationship at all, had cancelled. And (I should have known this), of course, Staci was cancelling because she was going to Chico to see him. She had some weeny excuse that things had turned out that he was going to have his daughter for the weekend, which I don't believe for even a tiny second. The reason I said that I should have seen it coming, was because Staci has let her low self-esteem derail all her friends many times over. All of her friends have really made an effort in the last few years to build up her self-esteem at every opportunity. But, seriously, I don't think it has done any good. I was sincerely hoping and believing that she would not let ME down. But, alas, the "poor me" part of Staci kicked in, as usual. At this point, I don't know if her biggest problem is low self-esteem or just plain good old-fashioned selfishness. I will guarantee you one thing, tho. I will not make the mistake of ever counting on Staci again. After her phone call, and I admit I wasn't jumping for joy upon hearing her news, I decided to cancel the BBQ after all. I was nearly in tears, myself, and my first call was to Carrie. All I had was her cell number and I had left a message there. But I decided I needed to try her home phone, which I didn't have. I called Staci back to get it. After giving me Carrie's #, Staci decided to lecture ME because she said I was laying a big guilt trip on her. I basically told her that I am not into guilt trips, receiving or handing them out, and if she felt badly, as well she should, she shouldn't be blaming it on me.
Anyway, I proceeded to call Katie and Larry, who were very understanding about the whole thing and we made a date to meet for drinks at the Rave the next afternoon. I was upset and went to bed. The next morning, when I spoke with Larisa, she told me that she and Noah were taking off to Donner Lake for the day and nite, meeting friends, since he needed some time away from the face of his family's tragedy. That's when I got an idea. I had them stop by on their way out of town and I loaded them up with hotdogs, hotdog buns, potato salad, Mardi Gra Dip, Onion Dip, asparagus, chips and corn chips, etc. etc. They were both thrilled and the food did not go to waste, after all. As for Staci, I will get over my disappointment and anger, but as I said, I have learned a lesson. I will never count on her again for anything. I know she's young, but she's not a child and she should know by now, that blowing off friends generally results in blowing off friendship. I sure hope her stupid boyfriend turns out to be worth it (NOT!).